I’ve found myself to be closed, too closed, to the point where I find words impossible to express anything that I feel. It would have been easy to live that way, hidden from the world by the barriers I had so carefully constructed, in such a way that it kept people out, but I was not trapped inside it. But then again, I’ve found I drag around too much emotional baggage to be held in and tightened in a bundle on my back. I need to let it out, vent, and thus, hello tumblr. Hello world.
Who am I? I’d love to remain elusive, while it lasts.
So what seems to be the problem? Right now, it’s the world, all of you. I’m sick of the ignorance the people are living in, dying in. Destroying themselves in their sins and in their mistakes, all for what? For a moment of bliss. As ridiculous as it sounds, they believe that moment of bliss to be enough to walk them through the eternity of pain, into more agony, more pain, than that know what to do with. But that is a discussion for another time. About my life? In all honestly, I’m in love with it.
My footsteps trace a path of tragedy, cold blood and well, blood shed. My own, just so you’re clear I’ve not murdered anyone - at least, not the flesh. But I have destroyed the lives and souls of many, out of faults that aren’t entirely my own. But I take the blame and the burden, because when I blame myself, no one else has the right to. When they point their fingers in my direction, and laugh, it’s okay. Because I already know I am to blame, I am the reason for their misery, for their pain. When they bore the hatred into me through their eyes, and I hear them weeping in the night, guilt comes, but then, indifference. I’ve been fighting these off, too many times, and you’d have thought I’d have become resilient. But they still break me.
But what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, and its a game of survival of the fittest. I am a survivor.
